Saturday, November 28, 2015
dear jesse,
i miss you. that was definitely too quick. i wish it was less painful for you. but whats happened, happened. it's been two days, it happened on new years of 2015, making me think that this year is going to be nothing but painful. painful of course, partially, because you're not here. i always think of you, especially when im unhappy, or feeling down, or bored sometimes haha. but i do, all the time. i ask mom for photos of you almost everyday because sometimes that'll be the only thing that'll make me laugh. even if you dont know it, even if you're so far away, you still make me laugh. or smile, or brighten up my day. make me look forward to coming home, make me want to fly home just to see you. i'll definitely do that for you haha. i'll spend all my free time with you i dont even mind. although all you do nowadays is sleep haha. i'll stay up for you too, when there's a thunderstorm. becausee you're always so scared and shivering. you'd jump on my bed or hide under my leg and drool so much that it resembles a mini swimming pool. and i'll scold you of course haha because i always accidentally step on it, or slip on it. yucky. but i'll still laugh afterwards and think that you're cute.everything you do is cute actually haha. and when im having a bad day all i have to do is come home and look at you and everything is magically okay. and you'll sit with me when im crying although im not sure if you know that i am haha, but its okay. your company always made me feel better, no matter what happens. and i hope my company did for you too.
i remember the first time i saw you at the pet store. i knew i had to have you. you were so cute haha. droopy eyes, puffy fur that stuck out in all directions.little cute ears that flopped down at the ends. sharp nose. so curious of everything that happened around. looked a little sad sometimes haha. and mom saw you too. and of course she loved you so much haha, you were so beautiful. and she was still hesitating to get a dog. but you made her haha. thank you for that because now she realises how much she loves dogs. and it just took one day for us to make the decision. which is actually alot considering she really didnt want to dirty the house. and then we took you home. i remember holding on to you really tightly because i didnt want you to be scared of the people and traffic around, afraid that you may jump down and run around. but you didnt! you were so good. and i kept petting you trying to reassure you. hopefully it did. and we got to the car. i cant really remember when but on the way to the vet in the car you had car sickness and puked haha. first time i witness a dog throwing up and i thought it was something more serious haha. but you stink mummy's car haha.
but we got home, and made a makeshift cage for you in the kitchen so that you could walk around. and i couldn't bear leaving you haha i just wanted to watch you all the time. you had to rest because you were a puppy and puppy needs loads of rest. i couldnt wait to take your for a walk either but you couldnt yet because you didnt have all your vaccinations. so you would pee on the floor even if we gave you a pee pad. haha, i had so much cleaning to do. pretty sure we wasted loads of paper towel. but whatever, i dont mind. we gave you toys in your cage too, you loved playing with the tennis ball. you'd crouch your front really low and stick your butt in the air with the wagging tail and pounce at the ball and i really could watch you all day long. its so cute. you liked squeaky toys too! make so much noise and disturb everybody but i thought it was cute. everything you do is cute.
it was near december that time and the weather was kinda stormy and i was worried about you being in the kitchen because its outdoors. but mom wouldnt let you in because you'd pee and poo everywhere and dirty the house. thought since you're a dog maybe you'd be fine but i was still worried. and for good reason because you did get sick. with pneumonia. and it was christmas eve when we brought you to the vet. met val and hoho there remember because hoho's eye had some problem. came home with a few medicines and antibiotics that i had to push down your throat. didnt feel nice, musnt have felt nice for you too. but you were sick and i cant lose a puppy that i just got. had to let you get loads of rest although all i wanted to do was play with you. you weren't eating that well either so we had to put glucose into your food. might had to have you operated too but you got better, and we didnt have to. and i was so happy.
i remember lettting you play in the garden before you could go for walks too. you'd prance around happily, i'll run after you making sure you didnt get hurt. all my friends was so happy to see you too and they call loved to visit. you scratched and bit me all the time too haha, made my hands full of scratches and cuts. but i didnt mind at all. not at all. i loved any sort of communication you tried to make, even if it was biting me.
yknow what i cant write anymore so it ends here. the memories will be in my brain, and one day when i feel like revising them, i'll come back here and post my feelings.. but for now jess, rest in peace, keep everybody up there happy like you do when you were here (: i love you so much, always and forever thankful for you..
I'll never forget you.
Signing
off, mun.
...
Hello,
So recently i havent been posting, aside from the occasional comes backs saying that i haven't been posting ever haha. ive been reading old posts to lexy and ive been thinking. this is actually a good form of memory. albeit the site may get taken down in the future, idk. but its a good way to pen my experiences down, i can always go back and look, see how far i've come, or see how much i must revert.
I'm at this point in my life now: finished my bachelors in nutrition..applying for postgraduate courses and also jobs. Tho the process is kinda slow. and not gonna lie, im kinda taking my time. Only because i'm kinda dreading work, but also its the only point of time in life where you can have a little rest. Well mom didn't give me that rest, so i took it myself, with her nagging lol. but now its been quite awhile. i should be doing smth, which i am. its just i should be doing more. Becoming a bum isn't my goal in life hahah.
I sorta want to work in a hospital yknow. An environment where i can help people's health? that why im aiming for dietitian. but problem is im not a very communicative person. if i dont have to talk, or don't want to, esp in work/school, i don't. and dietitian needs loads of communication. its just all confusing rn and ive applied for both dietitian and food tech. we'll see what happens. maybe i wont even get to study any. then its straight to work, sigh. I feel like even tho i completed my degree 1 year earilier than all my peers, i still feel like im behind somehow... at least on the motivation part. Only because im not exactly sure where i wanna go. amanda study dentistry, nat studying med, joyln econs, justina accounting, tricia crystal and shannon law, and tbh i keep forgetting ym's and ht's haha woops.
I'll get there eventually. but for now i feel like no matter how much i ponder i still wont come to a decision. unless i just do it. ohwell. itsjsut all so complicated for me now and i feel like im losing control of myself a little bit sometimes.
Also this year lots happened.. apart from the fact that i graduated, jesse passed away on new years... which really wasnt a good start. she was doing fine and we went to visit her in the hospital in her oxygen cage. well that night we got a call and think the infection spread to her heart and then there was tachycardia and then they tried but couldnt save her. well we buried her in our garden backyard. i miss her and always will. but shes in a good place! the world is actually really horrible... and no the biggest i feel isnt the ocean anymore hahah.
ahma passed away few months ago too, which really shook the family. esp with all the fam fights at the hospital outside the ICU for like 2 weeks. it was septic infection from UTI. which really doesnt sound bad right, but it is for immunocompromised people like elderlies.. well anything can happen. More so for the older generations ofc. we younger ones, we know it'll have to come sooner or later. it was just abit too sudden and all. But i'll never forget all of us kneeling in the room with ahma on the bed (back from hospital) and praying and all as she passes away. sad doesn't not cut to describe it, im still tearing up now as i write this. But yknow what, she's in a happier place, probably with grandpa....hopefully he doesnt already have 3 other wives up thereto take care of hahah. amazing thing that happened was that our whole family continously striked lottery afterwards, almost covering the cost of the hospital fee, or was it funeral. im not sure, but pretty sure ahma was protecting us (:
Anyway, on to happy stuff. I've made a tumblr and twitter fan account for 5h hahah. only to get updates but then i started to make edits and stuff and now my tumblr has 20000+ followers. which is real cool tbh. twitter not so much haha i just go on there when im bored by theres always drama there lol. I've talked to a couple ppl online. Orlane, arasha (shes from sg too) etc etc, and also lexy, whom ive made such good friends with. well it didnt stop there for her side hahaha. and yes... "here we go again" i know. it seems its a common theme in my life xD
Also gert is gonna grad next year. yep im faster than him haha. also we got a new dog, called tammi. I often refer to her as boss because literally she wakes me up everyday with these small little barks that sounds like 'hap!' and i'll give in to those puppy eyes and get my ass out of bed hahah. but shes cute, her personality is cute. i love her ofc, just like every pet i had. we promised the breeder that we would breed her one time, so if everything goes well, there might be pups next year! mom initially didnt like dogs right, well now she does hahah. tammi is even allowed onto the couch and such haha.
anyway heres a pic of tammi! <3 p="">
ah i forgot, also started playing volleyball in uni and got into the team just after 1.5 years of playing haha. yay. most of my teammates have been playing for like 6 years + haha.
anyway, i'll try to come and update. but yknow no promises haha im lazy.
Signing
off, mun.
...
