tEnNis!: November 2011

play around with the bounceicles. drag them round. jump on them. and more!

Monday, November 7, 2011

i feel miserable )': this is not gonna get any easier

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Signing off, mun.

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hey everybody!

im lost.

i have absolutely no idea what to do now. what do you call it? im in a dilemma. thats not something new but....its different every single time, no exception on this one! and im pretty scared right now. I dont even dare to seek comfort in anything, knowing that i may not be able too next time.

these few days have been pretty depressing. all i do is just lie on the floor and stare into space, with jesse walking around me of course. but, i dont know what to do. worst part is i dont think anyone can help me on this. and ive been so depressed i cant stop thinking even when im on the roller coaster. its just...im not ready to step out of the dilemma yet. its nearly always like that though.

im just so sian. daydreaming and visualizing stuff everyday. i dont feel like talking nearly most of the time. and its just screaming all over inside. im constantly really tired and i wanna do something that makes me stop thinking about this for the moment but there is nothing that can help me do that! and in fact, i shouldnt! i need to settle this pretty fast.

but meanwhile i just dont know what to feel, the pot of feelings inside is like slightly acid and churning inside. i need help ): i refuse to read things lately, for some reason. i want this to be over ): quickly ): my thoughts are so disorganized and is really short with alot of stops! i dont even know where to start thinking from, im just looking it as a whole, seeing glimpses of parts of it. i dont want to let go! eventually all have to!

just, someone just guide me ): what a fatal flaw. i wanna express myself here but i dont know how/what to express. this sucks so badly i dont know who i should listen to. myself? my thoughts are all jumbled up inside its such a great mess in there i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do someone please help )': please )': the worst thing is i know i must do this by myself ): everytime i close my eyes the first word i think of is "help!"

its a terrible feeling.

Signing off, mun.

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